she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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