I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
