It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sext me about skeletons
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
