I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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