I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
