So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
