Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
