So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
