So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize