Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
