Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
