I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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