I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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