I think this baby is eyeing my beer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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