What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i drank out of a bidet.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
