Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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