happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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