Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
