it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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