wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
