Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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