i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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