I cannot find my penis.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
