my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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