i don't like sucking hair
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
