first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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