garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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