So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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