Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
