Me too!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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