when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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