why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
