there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
