if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
