Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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