Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
