i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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