i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
