# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i came on her dog
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
