I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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