Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
