had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
