I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
