She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
