my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
