I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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