wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
