Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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