I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
