Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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