I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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