Whatcha textin bout Willis?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
