It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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