you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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