i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
