Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize