you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Every concussion has its silver lining
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
