there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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