i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
