your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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