i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize