is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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