I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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