Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
