I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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