So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
