omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
