I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize