Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
