can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
