I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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