i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
