I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Of course I have a pirate flag
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
