If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
my poor anus
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
